Saturday, December 5, 2009

So Tired of This

I'm done! I'm emotionally finished! I'm so tired of this, it isn't even funny! Though this is one of the hardest trials in my life, I have to admit that I wouldn't have it any other way. The Lord is so good... it was my infertility struggles that He used to draw me back to Him. I have also learned so much on my journey so far & have grown closer to God & my faith is growing stronger every day. I know He's here carrying me through this but it can be so hard, ya know?!

I'm giving it to Him, laying it at His feet & letting it go. It is so emotionally draining that I quit. I am, right now, moving forward with the RE but mostly b/c Mike said, lets go ahead & get this over with. Right now I really would be okay if the appt wasn't until next year.

The other night we had our ladies Tour of Homes at the church & a message during the event. What I took away from that message was to wait upon the Lord... it's gonna be worth it. This song was part of that message & it touches my heart & gives me peace...

I still have hope. You know I am starting to believe that a divine miracle can even happen to me! You see miracles happen to others but you think, "Yeah, it happened to them but it could NEVER happen to me." There are 2 in particular, a friend from church had very similar issues as I do now & she got pregnant TWICE with no help at all & another friend, L, who couldn't get pregnant without the aide of Clomid... well, she recently got pregnant with low progesterone & no fertility help of any kind & is now due in June. Well, I'm beginning to feel like a miracle can & might happen to me.

I'm actually doing a Bible study right now, Experiencing God (I HIGHLY recommend this Bible study, by the way), and in the Bible study I just studied Genesis 22:1-18. In the past this scripture has been hard for me to understand but I see it in a completely new way now... I see it as "The LORD Will Provide"! He is the "Provider of Children" & WILL provide for me!

Praise you Lord! Praise you for my miracle baby that you are creating for me, praise you for helping me through this difficult time, praise you for you... for who YOU are!

1 comment:

  1. *hugs* I'm proud of you. It is very difficult to "give it all to God". I've been on this journey for three years, and still haven't gotten to that point.