Saturday, February 27, 2010

Infertility's Common Thread

I was blog surfing & ran across this "infertility movement" that, in my opinion, is AWESOME. It's like a secret infertility sisterhood of sorts...

For anyone who has ever had a miscarriage, struggled with pregnancy, and all things infertile…there is a movement upon us that you might want to join. It’s rather simple actually: a discreet ribbon on your right wrist to signal to others that they are not alone in their struggles.

The pomegranate-colored thread holds a two-fold purpose: to identify and create community between those experiencing infertility as well as create a starting point for a conversation. Women pregnant through any means, natural or A.R.T., families created through adoption or surrogacy, or couples trying to conceive during infertility or secondary infertility can wear the thread, identifying themselves to others in this silent community. At the same time, the string serves as a gateway to conversations about infertility when people inquire about its purpose. These conversations are imperative if we are ever to remove the social stigma attached to infertility.Tie on the thread because you’re not alone. Wear to make aware. Join us in starting this conversation about infertility by purchasing this pomegranate-colored thread (#814 by DMC) at any craft, knitting, or variety store such as Wal-mart or Target. Tie it on your right wrist. Notice it on others. Just thought I would pass the word along!

See where it all started, HERE. I can't wait to get the thread & make a bracelet for myself! =)

Friday, February 19, 2010

♥ The Lord is Sufficient ♥

I recently answered the question, "I just have a question about the statement that if God wants you to have a child than you will..... what about those who cannot conceive? Do you believe God honestly wants them to be childless?"...
From someone who has suffered through infertility for 4 long years & who is currently still there (who is still seeking medical help in order to conceive (though we are on a 6 month MA break at the moment but that is another story, which I will gladly share if you really want to hear))...

I don't think that God WANTS them/me to be childless necessarily but sometimes we are & He wants that person to lean on Him & to know that He is sufficient. And He is... He is sufficient. I think that if we don't have physical children we will have spiritual children. In other words, we can reproduce spiritually rather than JUST biologically.

I think that when Adam & Eve ate the fruit from the tree of knowledge in the garden of Eden, sin entered the world & that sin actually includes all the bad things such as natural disasters, tornadoes, cancer, infertility, etc. God didn't create infertility... it entered the picture due to our sin but that He can help us rise above our infertility if we never have that biological child that we so desperately desire. He will carry us through the pain & heartache. And I can tell you that He will... I'm a living testimony to that.

Okay, here's my back story. Before I was saved it was actually my infertility that brought me to Him. He used such a horrible thing to do such a beautiful thing... redeem his lost daughter (me). I remember crying myself to sleep often, the pain was so deep. Through that though, I finally submitted & gave my life to Him. Well, since then it has been up & down. I did get pg, only to have a m/c at 11 wks. My miracle baby that I fought so hard for is in heaven tonight. Again, the Lord is with me... daily. The way I cried myself to sleep before & my reaction now... I'm a different person. The Lord gives me strength every day. I think that if I didn't have Him & I was trying to handle this in my own strength there's a good chance I might even have been a bit suicidal or something... to lose something so precious to me. But today I can sit here & honestly say that I'm happy my child got a free pass to heaven. I'm happy she doesn't have to know the pain of this world. I'm sad for us... I'm sad that I won't see her grow up but I don't regret the actual m/c at all. Actually I see Jesus through that ordeal. I KNOW He was right there with me, holding me in His arms through it all. I had a peace & still do amazingly. After all I've been through I can still talk to my pg church friends about their LOs even though there is still a big hole in my heart. I can't do this in MY strength but I can in HIS strength. He IS sufficient.
I'm not sure why but I wanted to share. I meant every word of it... The Lord IS Sufficient!

Lord, thank you for loving me, for being with me, for giving me the strength to get through this. I love you so much, Lord. In Jesus' precious & holy name, Amen.

Friday, February 12, 2010

Talking about infertility misconceptions

I have often heard of those who believe that fertility treatments (specifically IVF) are "playing God." I have honestly NEVER understood this myself since IVF treatments fail, ya know. Only God can ultimately allow IVF to work or not.
As a noted theologian has pointed out, unless scientists start commanding matter to emerge from nothingness, we're in no danger of anyone "playing God" anytime soon, at least in the creative sense.
(The Infertility Companion, pg 164)

So there you have it... we're not "playing God" by seeking medical help, even IVF. All we are trying to do is to use medicine to help us get where we can't get ourselves without help. It really is no different than someone who has cancer, seeking chemo or someone who breaks a bone, getting a cast. We are simply using medicine b/c obviously something is broken or else we could get pregnant like the rest of the population.

And the 2nd misconception goes out to my sisters in infertility:
Sometimes, despite the fact that they've hated pregnancy announcements for so long, infertile couples who finally conceive expect their infertile friends to be overjoyed for them. After all, their infertile friends know exactly what the couple has been through up to that point! Yet expecting these friends to rejoice––at least initially––may be asking too much. Not only may the news be a grief trigger, but it may also evoke a sense of abandonment. So no matter how much a pregnant patient wants her infertility buddies to scream & hug her when she has good news, she still needs to consider writing notes to these friends. That allows them to endure the initial shock in private & then to offer congratulations when they're ready.
(The Infertility Companion, pg 235)

I'm not sure that I would have thought about this before reading it but I do second it whole-heartedly. I remember when a good friend got pregnant who really deserves it but she got pregnant before I did & at first all I could think of was how happy I was for her but also how sad I was for me. She finally got the thing that I so desperately want.

I actually just finished the book, The Infertility Companion, & LOVED it. I highly recommend it to anyone suffering through infertility.

Friday, February 5, 2010

Waiting can be so hard to do =(

I think the title just about says it all. There are days that it's not so bad but there are days that it is unbearable. Those are the days that I have to lean on the Lord the most. This is the hardest trial I have ever dealt with but I can honestly say that the Lord is carrying me through it all. My strength ran out a long time ago. All the strength left is solely the Lord's strength & not mine. If you've never dealt with infertility I am so happy for you b/c I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. It is a long road full of heartache & difficulties.

I will say though that it is this very struggle that drew me to the Lord to begin with so I am very thankful for that. But I'm here... I've finally broken down & accepted Him so can I get pregnant now, please? I know He has a plan & it's a plan to prosper us, not to harm us; to give us a hope & a future (Jeremiah 29:11) so I have to lean on Him & His promises but as you can see... some days are easier than others.

I just read a quote doing a Bible study recently that I love:
"Live every day to fulfill your personal mission. God has a reason for whatever season you are living through right now. A season of loss or blessing? A season of activity or hibernation? A season of growth or incubation? You may think you're on a detour, but God knows the best way for you to reach your destination."
~ Barbara Johnson
Wow! God knows what's He's doing & this is NOT a detour but has been & is all part of the plan. Okay, I know that I know *that* but I guess it's my humanness that gets in the way sometimes & I have to be reminded of it (sometimes I feel like I have to be reminded constantly... we humans are so weak, aren't we; at least I know I am).

And last but not least, this song has actually been coming on the radio a lot lately & has fast become a favorite of mine:

Thank you for listening. I do feel so much better when I can just let it out. :)