Friday, January 21, 2011

I won my very first award!!! =)

Thank you, Ashley... this is the highlight of my day!

Here are the rules for the acceptance of the award:

1. Thank and link back to the person who awarded you the award.
2. Share 7 things about yourself.
3. Award 15 other bloggers.
4. Contact these bloggers and tell them about the award.

Let's see, 7 things about me...

1. I LOVE lizards & am often called the lizard paparazzi by both my husband (Mike) & son (Austin) in the summer b/c I am ALWAYS taking pictures of them.

Here's just a few of my favorite pics that I have taken...

2. We (Mike, Austin, & I) love all kinds of animals & we do our very best to live alongside God's beautiful creatures. We had a family of snakes living under our porch over this past summer. I know most people would kill them but not us... we loved our little neighbors & would often go out looking for them, hoping to catch a glimpse of them sunning themselves. By the way, these were King snakes & not poisonous at all. Actually if you are going to have a family of snakes living nearby these are the ones you want b/c they eat the poisonous ones! LOL Oh & we even use mice cubes b/c we would prefer to not kill mice. We are just big animal lovers.

Here's a pic of one of our *neighbors*...

3. I'm a very crafty person. I love to paint & draw & other general crafts. I can do very basic knitting & want to learn to crochet as well. (Austin & I actually have an Arts & Crafts (business) blog if you wanna check out our *craftiness*... A&A Art.)

4. We homeschool... this is our 2nd year homeschooling & Austin is in 9th grade. I LOVE it & my only regret is that we didn't do it sooner.

5. I once dated a guy who was invited to appear on Jerry Springer!

6. I have recently gotten interested in America's Next Top Model (though not one of my absolute favorite shows). Now, if you know my personality, this show is a little out of character for me (I am so not a girly girl or even care about girly things like fashion, make-up, etc). I'm not sure why I like it but I do love to watch the models "do their thing" & see the results. It's art to me & it is kinda fun to see if I can guess who's going to get eliminated next.

7. I LOVE LOVE LOVE Uno & all forms of it. We have the original Uno card game, Uno Attack, & Uno Spin (probably my favorite of the 3). And I sooooooooo want Uno Flash!

And those who I am passing this award on to:


Sunday, January 16, 2011

Dedicated in memory to my precious angel baby...

on what would have been her 1st birthday...

First, I have to say that this is not a sad day but a happy day, though it will be filled with some tears. Happy because God chose us to care & love this precious child of His & chose us to carry this child during her short stay here on Earth. She is safe & happy in His arms, though Mommy, Daddy, & Big Brother all miss her dearly. She is God's perfect creation who was only meant to be here for 11 short weeks but in God's wisdom, He knew those 11 weeks would change our lives forever.

We love you & miss you so much sweet little one & I, personally, can not wait to get to know you in Heaven one day!

To the Child of My Heart

O precious, tiny sweet little one
You will always be to me
So perfect, pure and innocent
Just as you were meant to be.

We dreamed of you and of your life
And all that it would be
We waited and longed for you to
come and join our family.

We never had the chance to play.
To laugh, to rock, to wiggle
We long to hold you, touch you
And to listen to you giggle.

I'll always be your mother,
He'll always be your dad.
You will always be our child,
the child that we had.

But now you're gone . . .
but yet you're here.
You are our sorrow and our joy,
there's love in every tear.

Just know our love goes deep and strong.
We'll forget you never.
The child we had, but never had,
and yet will have forever.

In memory of Chloe Elizabeth*
Estimated due date, January 16, 2010
Date of loss, July 1, 2009
Remembering My Sweet Angel

* Yes, I know we named her Chris but that was before I really started feeling/believing that it was a she & not a he. Chris is gender neutral but Chris just never really felt right... Chloe Elizabeth was the name chosen while we were pregnant for a girl.

Monday, January 10, 2011

5 years!

2011 marks year number 5 on this infertility journey for us. It's funny but when we started this journey, sometime in 2006, I thought we'd get pregnant rather quickly. After all, Austin was a surprise so I knew I could get pregnant. Yeah, okay. LOL In the beginning (well, maybe about a year into it when I realized we weren't getting pregnant very easily) I was so lost, so depressed, so heartbroken. Why can't I get pregnant? What is wrong with me? With us? Am I a bad mother; is that why I can't get pregnant... because I'm a bad mother & God doesn't want me to have another? That last one weighed heavily on my heart for a long time. I thought something was wrong with ME & that God doesn't think I'm good enough so He was withholding this from me/us. I loved God but I didn't KNOW Him. I didn't understand this whole "Christianity" thing. I didn't understand the relationship part. I didn't understand that God was NOT withholding this blessing from me. I didn't understand that God only wants good for us & He loves us deeply. Words can't express the depth of the love He has for us, even in our fallen state (which is exactly where I was at during this time in my life), even before we accept Him.

But, as I have said in the past, God blessed me with infertility. Whoa, wait, what? Blessed, you ask. Yes, BLESSED! I would have never asked for infertility or wish it on anyone but He used infertility in my life to show me Him, His AWESOMENESS, & His power. He has used it to redeem me, to bring me to my knees in submission to Him & for that alone I am eternally grateful. He is growing me through this infertility... He is growing my character & molding me into Christ's likeness. He has greatly increased my faith & trust in Him. I see His hand all around me where before infertility, I knew & loved Him, though disobedient & wretched, but I didn't truly experience Him on a day to day basis like I do now. For example, just a few weekends ago, as I was shopping at the Thrift Store a book that I have been wanting since the beginning of this journey caught my eye... When God Doesn't Make Sense by James Dobson. It wasn't even in the proper place so how & where I actually saw it was a miracle in itself. And then just a few days later I learned that our church is about to start a new women's Bible study... Jonah: Navigating A Life Interrupted by Priscilla Shirer. Now this is so special to me b/c I JUST went (last month) to a Deeper Still conference with Beth Moore, Priscilla Shirer, & Kay Arthur. I went for Beth Moore but was blessed by Priscilla Shirer. I'm telling you I was bawling by the time Priscilla Shirer quit speaking! She talked mostly about being in "the faith place" (that's where we feel compelled by God to do something & it's in THIS place that we have the potential to see miracles) & the "God margin" (we can only get so far w/o His help but that margin between what WE can do & the end goal is the "God margin" & is where He can step in & show out by performing miracles). Wow, I'm getting all teary-eyed just remembering how her words spoke to me that day.

Anyway, back to the original story... our church is going to start the Jonah study this coming Sunday & though initially I wanted to do her One In A Million study (I even got the One In A Million book for Christmas ), obviously God has other plans. Actually shortly after the the Deeper Still conference I was blog surfing on other infertility blogs & ran across Ashley over at Expecting Miracles & she just recently started this very same study. This study is obviously just something that is coming up a lot lately so I know God has big things planned for me through this study so I definitely don't want to miss out! Actually, watching the youtube video about how Priscilla Shirer's life was interrupted, has me soooooooooooooooo excited about this study.

It's not a divine interruption but a divine intervention & that is exactly what infertility is & has been. It isn't an accident & it has always only been for my good... to prosper me, not to harm me. Thank you, Jesus. I can't wait to see what is in store for me during the next several weeks as I go through this study.

Okay, last but not least, below are my notes from Priscilla Shirer during the Deeper Still conference. I wanted to record them here since they spoke to me so deeply & actually spoke directly on the subject of my infertility...

Faith without works (obedience) is dead.

When we feel compelled by God to do something, this is when we are called to the faith place (such as Esther, Jonah, Moses as he was parting the Red Sea). It is here where we have the potential to see miracles.

2 Kings 13:14-19
Elisha (his relationship with God) is their security but Elisha is dying & that security is quickly coming to an end. Don't concentrate on what we don't have & concentrate instead on what we do have (our bow & arrows). God's hand was placed on the king.

2 Chronicles 16:9

Be sure you hear from God.
"For every major decision, I have a particular verse for that decision."
~ Anne Graham Lotts
According to your faith, it will be done unto you. What you're willing to invest, you will get.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10 - In our weakness He is strong.

Why we don't lay it all down:
  • It doesn't make sense
  • Doubt
  • We don't want to look crazy
  • Insecurity/Plan B

We believe little because we've seen little & we've seen little because we believe little.

Psalm 20:7
Matthew 6:1

Others who have looked foolish throughout scripture:
  • Noah
  • Moses, parting the Red Sea
  • Sarah's pregnancy
  • David & Goliath
  • Peter walking on water
  • Marry's pregnancy
  • Isrealites & Jericho
  • Esther
  • Caleb
  • 3 Wisemen
  • The boy & his fish feeding 5,000
  • Jesus on the Cross

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Post-lap appt update

So the appt went well. He went over the results (pics) with me & we talked some. Bottom line, we are going to try *au naturale* for 3 months & if I don't get pregnant, we'll come back in & do more meds. I LOVED the idea since I was kinda hoping that we'd get to try naturally for at least 1 cycle anyway. He did say that we have a better chance at getting pregnant now & even told me a story of another patient who was in a very similar situation as me & who is finally pregnant now & doing well. I'm hopeful that we might get pregnant naturally but regardless I KNOW God is by my side, holding my hand, carrying me through this. I will be okay, with His help, no matter what & I'm excited to see what He has in store for me!