Monday, May 24, 2010

Did you watch Army Wives last night???

I LOVE Army Wives (such a GREAT show) & last night's episode was really awesome... sad but awesome! Check out last night's episode HERE if you missed it. *Spoiler Alert* Roxy had a miscarriage. I could so relate to her feelings & she really played the part well, in my opinion. I just LOVED the dog staying right there with her b/c he knew something was wrong with her. My dogs are often the same way. I really don't remember my pups being more affectionate AFTER my miscarriage but I definitely remember thinking/wondering if one of the dogs KNEW I WAS pregnant during the weeks before my miscarriage. She was soooooooo affectionate - more than usual, almost jealous it seemed. I distinctly remember thinking, "I wonder if she KNOWS I'm pregnant" or could it be that she knew the miscarriage was coming. Now that I look back, I really don't know. Hmmmmm....

And did you see the previews for the next episode... Denise is pregnant (actually I kinda knew something like that was going to be written into the storyline but I thought it was going to be Pamela, not Denise ). Nooooooo! It's going to be interesting to see how the show plays out during the next few weeks & to see how the characters react with one another. Actually the show seems to be almost mimicking real life. I know when I had a miscarriage it just seemed like the whole world was pregnant & even got pregnant right after my miscarriage, which of course didn't make it any easier on me. Actually there were 2 other ladies at church who got pregnant right around the same time as me. We were all due very close together... one in early Jan, I was due the 16th, & the other was due the 18th. Then another lady got pregnant just a month after my miscarriage. All 3 of these ladies are wonderful, sweet, Godly women & soooooooooo deserve babies but it was so hard to watch them have wonderful pregnancies after I struggled for 3 years just to get pregnant & then lost my miracle bean way too early.

I'm glad in many ways that a show is actually approaching the topic of loss. Every time I hear of a pregnancy now, I can't help but think that you only hope you have a baby because you could so easily have a miscarriage instead. I hate to think like that but the miscarriage just does that to you, I think... it steals your innocence when it comes to pregnancy.

Though I can't believe I'm going to say this but... I wouldn't trade my miscarriage for the world. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my precious baby who sleeps in heaven & would do almost anything to have her back but I know she's safe in the arms of Jesus & what Jesus gave me (instead of my miracle baby) was Himself & I thank Him for that. Beth Moore once said that often Jesus will come into our life & literally walk right beside us and even carry us through trials but we don't recognize Him until we see His back as He's walking away (& has already carried us through that tough situation). Well, that's my miscarriage. I KNOW Jesus was right there with me the entire time but of course it wasn't till days later that I recognized Him. And I can't even begin to describe how precious those moments were in Jesus's arms. Let me tell you a bit about just *what* He did for me that night:
  • If a miscarriage had to happen, it really did happen at the perfect time. Just the week before the miscarriage Mike was out of town on a business trip. There is NO WAY I could have done that without him. I was in too much pain to drive & I would have had to be literally on my death bed before I'd be willing to call an ambulance I think.
  • As I've already mentioned in a previous post, "I had such peace during the actual miscarriage itself & even knew what was going on... that I was having a miscarriage when I have never had one before so how did I know exactly what was going on & how in the world did I not lose it emotionally that night?" (6 month break coming to an end)
  • It's usually about an hour drive to the hospital from here & that particular morning I think we got there in record time (I'm thinking it took about 45 mins). Barely any traffic & most all the traffic lights seemed to be coordinated just perfectly for us to get to the hospital in record time.
  • I tried to hold out till 8 am (for my dr's office to open) b/c I did not want to go to the ER b/c we all know how notorious they are for being packed & you having to wait in the waiting room forever & I did not want to be in pain waiting in the waiting room (I'd much rather be in pain in the comfort of my own home & on my couch). Well, we ended up going to the ER anyway b/c I was in too much pain & thankfully I walked right in & went right back. They gave me some pain killers almost immediately & I was feeling good!
  • And my absolute favorite thing... a church member (who I have always adored) works at the hospital where my OB is at. Well, she was called in to work that day on her off day. Looking back, I KNOW that God put her there for me. Only He really knows just how much it meant to me that she was there that morning. She prayed with us before the D&C & she even called some of the members of our church (who took VERY good care of us) & told them so that we didn't have to (such a huge help to me b/c I so didn't want to have to tell them... thanks to her, I didn't have to ).
So, did you watch Army Wives? What'd you think?

1 comment:

  1. Hello Amanda, how are you doing? Do you know the book 'God's Plan for Pregnancy'? I just ordered it and I'm really exited to get it.
    Greetings from Germany