Friday, May 21, 2010

6 month break coming to an end...

*insert nervous smiley here*

I'm excited, a bit nervous, & somewhat shocked at how fast these months have flown by! I did finally make an appt with the RE for July 1st at 9:20 am. It's kinda ironic that my appt is on July 1st since one year ago, July 1st, I was in the hospital having a D&C due to an incomplete miscarriage.

I kinda figure though that it'll be the end of July/beginning of August when we try our first injectable cycle since my appt is at the beginning of that predicted cycle. Of course depending on how my cycle falls it may be early enough to start injectables THAT cycle! Regardless, I don't care... I don't care if I try early July, August, September or January of next year. Whatever the Lord's plan is is what I want - be it July, August, or later.

I REFUSE to get as obsessed as I have been in the past... easier said than done, I know. I have really enjoyed these 6 months though, so much so that I don't want to go back to that old way of thinking/doing things. I'm trusting & relying solely on Him to provide. I really feel refreshed & renewed; like I have a burst of energy & greater strength to move forward through what are possibly some tough & even exciting times ahead. I'm reminded of the scripture:
Yet those who wait for the LORD
Will gain new strength;
They will mount up with wings like eagles,
They will run and not get tired,
They will walk and not become weary.
Isaiah 40:31
I know the Lord has truly blessed me through this wait:
  • increased strength & energy to face what's ahead
  • being a part of/leading a local infertility support group (Hannah's Friends)
  • free meds (Answered Prayer!!!)
  • a mini-vacation coming up at the end of June (okay so Mike has a business trip to FL coming up & I told him I'm gonna tag along. While he's working the day away, I'm gonna lay out on the beach AND... this is going to be our first time away alone together since the honeymoon 6 years ago. Not to mention a lot of it is paid for b/c it is a business trip. We are staying an extra day so that we can have one day of fun together. I'm so excited AND it is absolutely PERFECT timing considering we start back trying to conceive with medical assistance in July. I truly believe this is yet another gift from the Lord.)
Which, by the way, can I share something? Actually I'm getting this out now, partly just to see what happens. Okay, I always kinda knew that I was going to have to go to the RE & I've always kinda known that I was going to have to do injectables. I don't really know how but it has always been on my heart that I WOULD have to do these things. That's why when I got pregnant last year I was surprised, amazed, & shocked. I remember thinking, "Well, I was wrong. Yay!" Apparently, I wasn't wrong after all, huh?!

Well, during the pregnancy it was kinda in the back of my mind that I *could* have a miscarriage. Why in the world did I think that? I have never had one & didn't, at that time, know many people that had actually had one. It could be b/c I'm part of an online community where unfortunately I see miscarriages all the time. It is truly kinda scary. It could also be because the Lord was preparing me for the miscarriage He knew was in my future. And the fact that I had such peace during the actual miscarriage itself & even knew what was going on... that I was having a miscarriage when I have never had one before so how did I know exactly what was going on & how in the world did I not lose it emotionally that night? Well, I know how now... Jesus was right there holding me in His arms the entire time.

Anyway, on to my other "feelings"... I just kinda feel like I *might* be one of those lucky mommies to have twins. It's just a feeling that I have had for a while now, just like I really felt like I would have to see an RE. I have no idea how this is going to play out but I'm just putting it out there & can't wait to see what happens. I would LOVE twins but after seeing a show on Discovery, I now know that having twins is such a more complicated pregnancy so honestly, I just want His will for me. I want a healthy, happy baby & if that's twins, GREAT, but if not; if I have a singleton, GREAT. Though twins would be perfect since at the beginning of this journey, I wanted 2 more & now I'm just praying for 1 more. I just don't know if I'll go through this all again to have another after I finally get 1 out of it. I kinda feel like I won't but I also won't ever prevent the chance of getting pregnant either so if the Lord wants to surprise me in the future He can!

1 comment:

  1. I'm so excited for you to start your injectable cycle!!! Like you I also kinda just knew that injectables would be the key- besides God's timing of course. I just knew they would work best with my body to get there.

    I hope everything goes smoothly. I will be praying for all your anxieties to be gone, and an enjoyable time ttc :) I cannot wait for you to post BFP pics!!!