Monday, August 16, 2010

Definitely NOT implantation spotting! =(

So yeah, this is my period, definitely not implantation. There's waaaaaaaaaaay too much blood to be anything OTHER than my period & the fact that I am STILL bleeding. I did call the RE this morning & one of the nurses did say that Follistim can make you start your period slightly early but I still don't think it should have been THIS early. This is ridiculous. Even if we did fertilize an egg it absolutely had NO WAY of implanting. And I'm not sure that the nurse understood that, which is frustrating. She kept saying we had a 9 day luteal phase which I wanted to say um, no... at most it was 7 days (maybe 8 according to THEIR office since if you start your period after 4 pm they count it as the next day) if I Oed Friday the 6th (my chart shows Saturday, the 7th, as ovulation but she & I both think I probably really ovulated on Friday rather than Saturday but still how do you get 9 days from that). Sometimes I think I know more about these things than many dr's or nurses do.

The good news is that I will be talking to the RE himself Wednesday, Sept 1st, at 9:20 am to ask him how & why this happened (which Mike & I both agree that this is really probably the next step anyway considering how screwy this 1st injectable cycle went). I don't get it... Clomid NEVER did this to me & according to everything I can find Clomid and injectables are supposed to help fix luteal phase defects, not create them. I have NEVER had a luteal phase defect (until NOW that is) since I started charting 4 years ago; granted I don't ovulate like I should half the time but I just don't get it.

The bad news is Mike has a business trip at the end of this month which means we will have to wait this cycle out & try again next cycle (hopefully if Mike doesn't have another business trip which he very well might). He has several trips coming up, which all seem to line up with my ovulation so I'm not going to even think/worry about it right now. What does Jesus say about this. Oh, yeah...

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
~ Matthew 6:34
Besides, as the nurse pointed out, 7 times out of 10 people usually have to skip a cycle in between anyway b/c there is a cyst on your ovary & I didn't even get the full 2 wks for any cysts to go away since AF decided to show a week early. I'm still trusting & believing God that we WILL get pregnant though! However, I'm not trying to sugar coat it... it hurts.

Why wasn't this the cycle? Why do I have to wait even longer? Is 4 years not long enough already? When will it be our turn? But it's times like these that I have to cling tightly to scripture & His promises. It's times like these that I have to remember that we walk by faith & not by sight. By sight, it just seems impossible & hopeless but I know that's not true b/c with God, all things are possible. Satan wants me to think it's hopeless but I know it's not.

Here's a quote that I recently read on one of my favorite boards that really just strikes me & gives me some comfort right now:
"Be assured that if God makes you wait longer than you wish, it is only to make the blessing all the more precious."
~ Author Unknown



    I'll keep you in my prayers. I believe with you, it will happen. Lots of hugs from me to you.

  2. I tried to post the video on here, it isn't working. Please copy and past. You need to watch that video, it's about Miracle Babys. <3

  3. I feel with you Amanda, yesterday was one of those days when all I wanted to do was cry. There were babys everywhere, and I was wondering if the mothers know how blessed they are. Right there in the store I wanted to lay down on the floor and just cry. I kept thanking God that He did it for them and that He will do it for us, and that our baby is already on it's way. I quoted Psalm 113:9 over and over again. Back home I downloaded the Soundtracks from Facing the Giants, Fireproof and Letters to God. Then I took my i-pod and went to bed where I kept listening to "Dear Mr. God" and "While I'm waiting". Two powerful songs, and I cried and cried. I fell down on the floor and cried to God that I need him and that I'm longing to have a baby. Psalm 37:4-5 Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart. 5 Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him and he will do this.
    Worship the Lord your God and His blessing will be upon your food and water. I will take away sickness from among you and none shall miscarry or be barren in your Land. I will give you a full lifespan. Exodus 23:25-26 (NIV)