From someone who has suffered through infertility for 4 long years & who is currently still there (who is still seeking medical help in order to conceive (though we are on a 6 month MA break at the moment but that is another story, which I will gladly share if you really want to hear))...I'm not sure why but I wanted to share. I meant every word of it... The Lord IS Sufficient!
I don't think that God WANTS them/me to be childless necessarily but sometimes we are & He wants that person to lean on Him & to know that He is sufficient. And He is... He is sufficient.I think that if we don't have physical children we will have spiritual children. In other words, we can reproduce spiritually rather than JUST biologically.
I think that when Adam & Eve ate the fruit from the tree of knowledge in the garden of Eden, sin entered the world & that sin actually includes all the bad things such as natural disasters, tornadoes, cancer, infertility, etc. God didn't create infertility... it entered the picture due to our sin but that He can help us rise above our infertility if we never have that biological child that we so desperately desire. He will carry us through the pain & heartache. And I can tell you that He will... I'm a living testimony to that.
Okay, here's my back story. Before I was saved it was actually my infertility that brought me to Him. He used such a horrible thing to do such a beautiful thing... redeem his lost daughter (me). I remember crying myself to sleep often, the pain was so deep. Through that though, I finally submitted & gave my life to Him. Well, since then it has been up & down. I did get pg, only to have a m/c at 11 wks. My miracle baby that I fought so hard for is in heaven tonight. Again, the Lord is with me... daily. The way I cried myself to sleep before & my reaction now... I'm a different person. The Lord gives me strength every day. I think that if I didn't have Him & I was trying to handle this in my own strength there's a good chance I might even have been a bit suicidal or something... to lose something so precious to me. But today I can sit here & honestly say that I'm happy my child got a free pass to heaven. I'm happy she doesn't have to know the pain of this world. I'm sad for us... I'm sad that I won't see her grow up but I don't regret the actual m/c at all. Actually I see Jesus through that ordeal. I KNOW He was right there with me, holding me in His arms through it all. I had a peace & still do amazingly. After all I've been through I can still talk to my pg church friends about their LOs even though there is still a big hole in my heart. I can't do this in MY strength but I can in HIS strength. He IS sufficient.
Lord, thank you for loving me, for being with me, for giving me the strength to get through this. I love you so much, Lord. In Jesus' precious & holy name, Amen.
He is sufficient but it's so hard to get to that place where we can take comfort in that. I don't believe that God wants those who cannot conceive to be childless, maybe he just wants us to get our children in other ways like fostering or adoption. I cannot believe that God would give us such a strong desire to have children (to where we are willing to destroy our bodies with drugs and procedures) if he was not going to provide them in some way.
ReplyDeleteThat thought has helped me through some tough times.
What strength you have! It is admirable. I can't imagine the pain of losing a child, but I do think it's beautiful how you were able to depend on God during that difficult time, and even now. It's an encouragement to many, of this I'm sure. :)
ReplyDeleteLove this post~ thanks for sharing it on the Creme list!
ReplyDeleteThank you for your testimony, I don't know how it feels to want a child buy not be able to conceive as um not even married but I do knowthe pain of wanting something so badly you literally feel a hole inside but I'm learning to fill that up with God :). Stories or rather realities like yours strengthen me to seek Him further xoxo
ReplyDeleteI gave a testimony last year in Church and one thing I remember looking for a description for Him and I tried to humbly sum it up by saying Our God is sufficient. and i googled it and got here... i am encouraged and commend you spirit.....you understand the hymn "It is well it is well with my soul vs 1-3)
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