God even controls the Internet!!! =)

Seriously, He does!!!

So Monday night, I actually went over to a friend's house after the infertility support group & then didn't get home till 1:30 am! So when I woke up waaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy too early Tuesday morning, at 7 am, I decided to skip my 1 hour daily Bible study that I do first thing EVERY morning & instead do a shorter devotional from a recent web site that a friend introduced me to (Love.Serve.Shine). The site's "Daily Bread" is awesome & is actually what I wanted to do as my quiet time Tuesday morning but alas, the Lord had other plans! When I tried to go to the website, I kept getting a "server not found" error. I tried every way I knew how to get to the web site b/c I really wanted to read the "Daily Bread" but it just was NOT happening so I was a little frustrated & thought about what I could do/use as my quiet time. Then it came to me... we did a devotional on fear a while back in the infertility support group I mentioned previously (Hannah's Friends) so I decided to check out the next devotional study in that series instead.

It was okay but what really grabbed me was when I decided to look ahead & see what the future lessons looked like. Part 5 was based around a scripture that my friend who I had just seen hours before had shared with me. She said that when she read several passages from 2 Chronicles 20 she just thought about me...

Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God’s. You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the LORD will give you.
~ 2 Chronicles 20:15, 17

And here's the actual devotional lesson that is centered around this scripture...

Fear Not
Learning to fear less in a fearful world
by Jennifer Wennekamp

Scripture Reading: 2 Chronicles 20

Key Scripture: You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the Lord will give you, O Judah and Jerusalem. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Go out to face them tomorrow, and the Lord will be with you.’ ” 2 Chronicles 20:17 NIV

This week our topic is that we do not need to be afraid because God will fight for us. We need to realize that there are going to be times when we are approaching a fight that our job will only be to get ready for the fight, but God will take over from there. It seems so often that we want to be in control. We want to control all the situations we are in and so sometimes we think we have to do all the fighting or we will not get what we want, when we want, how we want. We forget to factor God into the equation. We often don’t even want to let God in on the process until we are at our wits end and feel that we have to give up.

In Deuteronomy 3:22 it says- “Ye shall not fear them: for the Lord your God shall fight for you.” And I really like it in 2 Chronicles 20:17 “But you will not even need to fight, Take your positions; stand still and watch the salvation of the Lord with you. O Judah and Jerusalem. Do not be afraid or discouraged. Go out there tomorrow, for the Lord is with you.” God will fight for us. In fact often the fight isn’t even ours. In 2 Chronicles it says that the battle was God’s. The people were going through the battle, but it was God’s battle and he was going to make sure they got through it. He does not want us to fight a fight that he knows we can not win. If we try to fight the fight on our own we may not win, but God can fight it so we do win. Sometimes there are fights we go through that we lose, but the Bible says there is no temptation that has taken us that he has not made a way out of. We can win any battle we are in with his help, but if we do not turn to him, focus on him, and follow his wisdom we may not win the battles. So if we are doing our part He is there and present to fight the fight for us when it is necessary.

Sometimes it is necessary in life for us to let our kids go through their own fights. Some of the fights that our kids deal with, help them to grow. If we see our kids in a fight we may observe the situation and see if it is something the can handle and will help them grow and so we let them go ahead and deal with it. Other times we look and see that they are in over their head, or that there is something in that fight that we do not want them to experience and so we go in and take over the fight. That is how God is with us. Sometimes he steps in and takes over for us to protect us or even to remind us of his wonderful love.

There have been several times in my life that I felt that God has called me to do something, but I could not see how in the world it was going to happen. I would start to get a little fearful thinking that I had to make it work out because I knew God had spoken to me about it, and I was afraid if I didn’t push and push that it wouldn’t happen. I would believe God called me to do the thing, but not think about letting God be the one to work it out. Then at these times I would finally come to the point where I realized that I had taken the steps that I could, and that I couldn’t do any more. If it was going to happen, God would be the one that would have to make it work. Sometimes that is just how it is.

Even though God will fight for us we can not allow ourselves to get to the place where we allow this promise to make us lazy. We can not just sit back and say “This is God’s fight so I don’t have to do any work.” That is not what 2 Chronicles 20 says at all. God told them that they should still take up their positions. We still need to take our positions. We still need to start taking the steps that are necessary to win our battle, and then as we are in position God can open those doors necessary to win our battle. He can bring the right people in our path when we are ready to meet them, those divine connections that he has set in place for us. But we have to be ready for it when those instances come. If God has a divine connection for us, but we haven’t taken the steps to be ready when it arrives then we will not be able to do what God wants us to do. We can not be like the man that is on his roof in a flood and he cries out to God asking God to save him, but as the man sits there a row boat rows by and asks him to come in his boat, the man says “no, God is going to save me.” Then a helicopter flies by and they try to rescue him and he says, “no, God is going to save me.” Then the man dies and he asks God, why didn’t you save me? And God tells him I sent the rowboat and the helicopter, but you wouldn’t get in. God will fight for us and make a way- he will send us the rowboats and the helicopters when we need them, but we need to be willing to get in.

We need to remember Isaiah 1:19 that says “If you are willing and obedient, ye shall eat the good of the land.” We must be willing to do our part, whatever our part is. Sometimes our part will just be the preparation and sometimes our part will be getting in there and fighting a good fight, but we must be obedient and willing to do whichever one God is leading us to at that time. When we come to a place where we feel we can’t do anything else, that may be a sign that we are trying to do all the fighting and not let God do any of the fighting for us. When fear starts to creep in when you are facing a trial, take a step back and pray asking God what you are supposed to do, and be quick to stop and let God handle the fight if he asks you to.

Confession/Prayer: Father God, We pray and thank you for fighting for us. Thank you that help us to win the battles that we are in. Help us to be sensitive to our part in the battles, and to recognize the times that we need to just stand still and let you fight. Help us to rest in you and give you glory in everything that you do for us. In Jesus Name, Amen

(http://narrowroadtravels.com/fearnotpt5.aspx)

And what's even funnier, after reading this devotional, I went back just to see if I could get onto the Love.Serve.Shine site & I could, no problems at all! God used a divine intervention to navigate me to this set of devotionals so that He could speak directly to me. It can be & is so exciting to be walking with the Lord daily!

So, what is He saying to me? How does this apply to me? This (adoption) is God's battle, not mine. I have to do everything *I* can to put myself in the position to adopt when He calls but once I have done what I can do I need to let go & let God fight this battle for me. There is only so much I can do. Only God can speak to both Mike & I, bringing us to the same page on adoption. Only God can fight the supernatural things that might be going on that I don't even know are out there. Only God can set up those divine connections & I just need to be in a position to be ready to accept them when they come.

Reminds me of one of my absolute favorite songs in the world...

As you can tell, I really love music. It just really speaks to me & this song is one of those really special songs to me.

And I thought it was going to be quiet around here! LOL

God is in Control!

Last night, at an infertility support group that I am a part of we talked about the story of Joseph & how God is in control, no matter the circumstances or how things appear:

God is in control, not our husbands.
God is in control, not our children or parents.
God is in control, not our doctors.
God is in control, not our boss.
God is in control, not a terrorist.
God is in control, not infertility.

(Embracing God’s Design for Your Life, pg 120)

This particular study really spoke to me & I really feel like I can relate to Joseph so much. Like Joseph (Genesis 37-42), by all outward appearances my dreams are being "shattered" by infertility but in reality, I know that like Joseph, God is placing me in the position to fulfill my dreams & His perfect will for my life. I think I can understand how Joseph must must have felt... the pain, the hopelessness, the despair, the fear at various times along his journey.

For those that don't know the story of Joseph... his brothers threw him in a well b/c they hated him & then sold him to merchants. Then in Egypt, just when things start looking up again & he's blessed by the Lord, he's thrown in jail based on LIES of a seductive woman! For 10 years, Joseph was either a slave or in jail. Can you imagine what kind of things & questions might have crossed his mind during that time? I imagine that he just doesn’t understand what in the world is going on & wants to know “WHY?” He’s doing everything that God would want him to... he’s not giving into temptation, he’s being godly, he’s doing everything right & he’s being punished – “WHY?” Honestly this is how I have felt at times during my infertility struggle. I sometimes think that if I could just see the end of this road maybe it would be easier for me to get through the “here & now.”

But this story is a reminder that all this really happened to place Joseph EXACTLY where he needed to be so that God could make his dreams & the Lord's perfect plan come true. And this actually goes for me as well.

It is clear that no human being can destroy what God has purposed. While Joseph was in the waiting period of more than 10 long years, God was preparing him to serve. And Joseph cooperated.

Joseph could have sat around in despair for years wondering where things went wrong, but he didn’t. Instead, wherever he was, he used his God-given abilities to serve the people around him.

(Embracing God’s Design for Your Life, pg 118)

God is in control & is placing me exactly where I need to be to fulfill His perfect plan for my life & until that day comes, I will serve & praise Him. Reminds me of the John Waller song, While I'm Waiting.

I can do all this through him who gives me strength.
~ Philippians 4:13

Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.
~ Romans 5:3-5

You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.
~ Genesis 50:20 (part of the story of Joseph)

I lift up my eyes to the mountains—where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth.
He will not let your foot slip—he who watches over you will not slumber; indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.
The LORD watches over you—the LORD is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night.
The LORD will keep you from all harm—he will watch over your life; the LORD will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.
~ Psalm 121

Oh & then on my way home last night I heard a new song about God being in control. It just kinda "jumped" out at me, especially considering we JUST talked about God being in control just a few minutes before this song came on...

The 2nd verse is AWESOME!!! And let me tell you... God is sooooooo in control! I'll share another story later!

Faith

I think God has really been focusing on building my faith since it seems that "faith" has been a recurrent theme in my life lately...

For my birthday a good friend gave me one of the sweetest birthday present's ever, a photo album with one of my all time favorite verses, Hebrews 11:1.

Isn't it absolutely beautiful & just the perfect shade of *baby* green?! I've decided that I'm gonna save this album & use it as my newborn photo album of our baby whenever the Lord so blesses us!

And then just a few days later (on March 17th) my other best friend bought me 3 decorative flower pots - Faith, Hope, & Love! But the story she tells is that when she walked in to this particular store, she saw the Faith pot clear across the store. That particular pot caught her eye & she HAD to get it. It was only when she got closer that she also grabbed the Hope & Love pots as well since the 3 just go together!

These are decorative pots & apparently, aren't meant to hold real plants (there's no drain hole in the bottom) but after my friend & I talked a little about faith (how you plant a little seed of faith in your heart & then care for & nurture it for it to grow) now I want to come up with a way to use them to grow real flowers. I'm bound & determined to do this & already have a few ideas up my sleeve! If you do have any ideas as well, please share (all ideas welcomed & appreciated ).

And then just a few days after that (March 19th), when I was watching Beth Moore on LIFE Today, guess what she was speaking on?! FAITH!!! I know He's preparing me for the journey ahead. I even took notes (which I typically don't do) & the one note that I took that really stood out was... "There will be plenty of opportunity to doubt & fear & disbelieve -> It's got to to appear as if this one is NOT going to come through - that is exactly when you have an opportunity to have a story that turns itself into a song."

Here's the entire video of Beth Moore, for your viewing pleasure... A Story Fit For a Song. I'm so excited to be walking this journey with the Lord!

And a few days after THAT, I heard a new song for the first time. I know it doesn't really speak about faith per se but it is such an AWESOME song & it really just speaks to me so much that I had to include it here as well...

Wow, that the Lord would speak to me the way He does simply amazes me sometimes!

The wait is over!

AF is here (after being 5 days late no less )! I was hoping that maybe *she* would stay away but alas! So we *should* be going back to the RE for stronger meds (Follistim + Menopur + Ganirelix) but I do have an announcement...

Meds are over... I'm done with trying to conceive with medical assistance (& it feels soooooooooo good )! After the lap, you just can't tell me that I can't get pregnant. I can & I will if it's the Lord's will. AND the biggest announcement: I really feel like the Lord is calling us to adopt. Hubby isn't quite on the same page as me but I KNOW that if this is truly the Lord's will (as I believe it is) He will speak to Mike & bring Mike on board as well so I'm not toooooooo worried! I'll admit, I wish I could say that we were moving forward with adoption but right now we are in the "considering" stage.

We've actually already met with an agency... we attended an "information meeting" but I didn't really get the information I wanted from the meeting so I'm going to schedule an individual appointment with them & talk one on one. I did like them over all (though I knew I would), mostly because they are Christ-centered & this particular agency does offer at least one definite advantage over others... you don't lose your money if one adoption falls through, you can just transfer it to another adoption program within the organization. As they explained it, it's a ministry & they want to place children in loving, Christian homes.

If you're interested, below is the story of just how the Lord spoke to me & started changing my heart, opening it to adoption (& I do have to add that this is an AWESOME story, in my opinion anyway )...

Tuesday (Jan 18th) night, a friend on Facebook shared a video made by this girl who was adopted. It really moved me (& I even got teary-eyed) & I noticed in particular the verse she shared at the end of the video...

"I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you."
~ John 14:18

So then Wednesday morning during Austin's Science class (we homeschool) we often read scriptures with our Science book. One particular scripture really jumped out at me...

"Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption to sonship, the redemption of our bodies."
~ Romans 8:23

It was funny b/c in the back of my mind I thought, "Hmmmm... I wonder if I'll hear another 'adoption' scripture tomorrow." But again, I just kinda passed it off & went on about my day not thinking about it again.

THEN Thursday, again during Science class, we were trucking along (almost at the end of class) & all of a sudden I thought, "Hey, I haven't heard another 'adoption scripture' yet." The VERY next verse Austin read in science was...

"For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight."
~ Ephesians 1:4

And this scripture really jumped out at me. And it, I felt, was my "adoption" scripture (even though as you'll notice adoption isn't mentioned outright).

Anyway, so I wanted to mark these in my Bible & when I get to Ephesians guess what Ephesians 1:5 goes on to say...

"In love he predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will."

At this point I KNEW... we're NOT getting pregnant (we were in our 1st month of trying to conceive naturally since the lap when all this happened) & notice, even 5 days late last cycle, we're still not pregnant. Why? I believe in every fiber of my being that God wants us to adopt.

I actually then called one of my best friends & she confessed to me that she had been having a sort of adoption feeling for me since BEFORE Christmas but she never said anything b/c she felt like that was my decision & was between me & God but when I broached the subject with her Thursday (Jan 20th), that's when she confessed. Specifically she said that anytime she sees adoption posters or advertisement, I just come to mind & she really believes it is the Holy Spirit speaking to her.

I, of course, would LOVE any child... biological or not but I'm going to confess here... adoption has always scared me. Mostly the money. I KNOW if God is in this, He will provide so I try not to think about it & lean on Him, having faith.

Anyway, so I've been thinking A LOT about adoption lately. Like, what kind of adoption does God want us to do? Embryo adoption (like I had wrote about several months ago... At the crossroads), traditional baby adoption (domestic or international), or traditional older child adoption (from foster care). I have always kinda felt pulled toward an older child (since I know a lot of people want babies, leaving the older children in the system who want nothing more than someone to love them) but God is softening my heart toward domestic adoption (I just can't give up the idea of having a baby right now... I do want to adopt an older child but in the future since I really feel like time is running out for a baby (I'm not getting any younger over here )) so right now I feel a pull toward domestic or embryo adoption, but which?

I'll definitely keep you posted but it could get quite around here for a little while, until there is something to update.

So, I'm going to leave you with 2 scriptures that really speak to me right now...

"The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still."
~Exodus 14:14

"No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him."
~1 Corinthians 2:9

Thank you, Jesus!