Blessed Beyond Measure

Copied from my FB status this morning...

You know as I sit here trying to focus on my upcoming mission trip & everything I have to do & take care of as well as my responsibilities with an infertility support group I lead, Abbie & Charlie come in here & interrupt me with a song & dance they wanted their *Mama* to hear/see. After 5.5 years of crying, begging, & praying that the Lord would open my womb & allow us to conceive & finally have a baby, He did so much more... He brought us Abbie & Charlie. He answered our prayers but not in the way that I wanted at the time but He answered them with so much MORE, more than I could have ever imagined. I am so in love with these 2 little miracles of life & I couldn't imagine my life without them. Thank you Lord & Praise your HOLY name. I love you so much. And to those who are still waiting on their miracles, know I still think of you often & He IS faithful. I am just feeling so blessed right now.

And I am sooooooooooo bad at posting pics... Sorry! I do want to eventually post some pics from Christmas & Easter though.

Happy would-be 2nd birthday, sweet child o' mine!

I can't believe I could have a 2 year old, a 3 year old, & a 4 year old right now but in all honesty I probably wouldn't have my beautiful 3 & 4 year olds if we wouldn't have had a miscarriage like we did (I don't know that we would have been open to adoption had we had our precious miracle baby 2 years ago). I, of course, miss my baby but I, in no way, regret the events that happened. I have the most precious 3 & 4 year olds in the world plus my would-be 2 year old is in heaven, happy as can be, with Jesus, & doesn't even have a care in the world. She is the blessed one here.

So in memory of my precious angel baby who we barely even know I wanted to post a few quotes:

"Thought of you with love today, but that is nothing new. I thought about you yesterday, and days before that too. I think of you in silence, I often speak your name. All I have are memories and a picture in a frame. Your memory is a keepsake, with which I'll never part. God has you in His keeping, I have you in my heart."
~ Author unknown (copied from a friend's wall on FB)

"There is a sacredness in tears.
They are not the mark of weakness, but of power.
They speak more eloquently than 10,000 tongues.
They are messengers of overwhelming grief,
of deep contrition and of unspeakable love."
~ Washington Irving

 

In memory of Chloe Elizabeth*
Estimated due date, January 16, 2010
Date of loss, July 1, 2009
Remembering My Sweet Angel

* Yes, I know we named her Chris but that was before I really started feeling/believing that it was a she & not a he. Chris is gender neutral but Chris just never really felt right... Chloe Elizabeth was the name chosen while we were pregnant for a girl.

Scriptures

I've really been meaning to post these for a while now (probably since August) but I just haven't gotten around to it until now. I think I'm posting them now because I really need a reminder of His promises & His faithfulness. I know I have to lean on Him & Him alone through every trial & heartache.

Anyway, this is a list of scriptures that I have compiled along this TTC/Infertility/Adoption journey. I hope they speak to you as well.

Infertility/TTC/Adoption Journey Scriptures

"I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you."
~ John 14:18

"Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption to sonship, the redemption of our bodies."
~ Romans 8:23

"For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will."
~ Ephesians 1:4-5

“For it is written that Abraham had two sons, one by the slave woman and the other by the free woman. His son by the slave woman was born in the ordinary way; but his son by the free woman was born as the result of a promise.”
~ Galatians 4:22-23

“Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.”
~ Hebrews 11:1

“Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.”
~ Hebrews 10:23

"Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the LORD will bring you today…The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still."
~ Exodus 14:13-14

"No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him."
~ 1 Corinthians 2:9

“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
~ 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

“We constantly pray for you, that our God may make you worthy of his calling, and that by his power he may bring to fruition your every desire for goodness and your every deed prompted by faith.”
~ 2 Thessalonians 1:11

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”
~ Romans 8:28

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.”
~ Proverbs 3:5-6

“But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.”
~ Philippians 4:19

“Therefore I will look unto the LORD; I will wait for the God of my salvation: my God will hear me.”
~ Micah 7:7

“‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’”
~ Jeremiah 29:11

“Yet those who wait for the LORD will gain new strength; they will mount up with wings like eagles, they will run and not get tired, they will walk and not become weary.”
~ Isaiah 40:31

“Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but when the desire comes, it is a tree of life.”
~ Proverbs 13:12

“His disciples asked him, ‘Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?’ ‘Neither this man nor his parents sinned,’ said Jesus, ‘but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life.’”
~ John 9:2-3

"A man’s heart plans his way, But the LORD directs his steps."
~ Proverbs 16:9

“And I declared that the dead, who had already died, are happier than the living, who are still alive. But better than both is he who has not yet been, who has not seen the evil that is done under the sun.”
- Ecclesiastes 4:2-3

“Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.”
~ Joshua 1:9

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.”
~ Matthew 7:7

“Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”
~ Hebrews 13:5

“My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth.”
~ Psalm 106:1

“Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.”
~ Colossians 3:2

“With God all things are possible.”
~ Matthew 19:26

“You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.”
~ Jeremiah 29:13

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
~ Isaiah 41:10

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
~ Philippians 4:6-7

"Command those who are rich in this present world not to be arrogant nor to put their hope in wealth, which is so uncertain, but to put their hope in God, who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment."
~ 1 Timothy 6:17

“So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised.”
~ Hebrews 10:35-36

“For the vision is yet for the appointed time; it hastens toward the goal & it will not fail. Though it tarries, wait for it; for it will certainly come, it will not delay.”
~ Habakkuk 2:3

“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”
~ 1 Peter 5:7

“Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod & staff, they comfort me.”
~ Psalm 23:4

“I can do everything through him who gives me strength.”
~ Phillipians 4:13

“Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God’s. You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions; stand firm & see the deliverance the Lord will give you, O Judah & Jerusalem. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Go out to face them tomorrow, & the Lord will be with you.”
~ 2 Chronicles 20:15, 17

“Give thanks to the Lord, for his love endures forever.”
~ 2 Chronicles 20:21

“If God is for us, who can be against us?”
~ Romans 8:31

“I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.”
~ Matthew 17:20

“The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles.”
~ Psalm 34:17

“The LORD is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth. He fulfills the desires of those who fear him; he hears their cry and saves them.”
~ Psalm 145:18-19

“The Lord is the one who goes ahead of you; He will be with you. He will not fail you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.”
~ Deuteronomy 31:8

“Don’t be afraid; just believe.”
~ Mark 5:36

“Do NOT fear the storms! I have already won this battle for you! All you have to do now is obey. Rest in me. I will strengthen you. I will uphold you by my strong right hand. Endure. I am with you.”
~ Rebecca Carrell (Love.Serve.Shine, Today’s Daily Bread ~ Run Harder!)

"When God takes something from your grasp, He's not punishing you, but merely opening your hands to receive something better. The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you."
~ Author Unknown

"Be assured that if God makes you wait longer than you wish, it is only to make the blessing all the more precious."
~ Author Unknown

"Live every day to fulfill your personal mission. God has a reason for whatever season you are living through right now. A season of loss or blessing? A season of activity or hibernation? A season of growth or incubation? You may think you're on a detour, but God knows the best way for you to reach your destination."
~ Barbara Johnson

"Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up."
~ Thomas A. Edison

"We must discipline ourselves to place confidence in His decision to give us the information we need to successfully accomplish the step we are on in the journey."
~Priscilla Shirer (Jonah study)

"Victory is sweetest when you have known defeat."
~ Malcolm Forbes

Our First Halloween!!!

I know it's a little late but I've been sooooooooo busy just playing with & being "Mommy" to my 2 beautiful babies & my 1 handsome young gentleman.

My little frog prince...

My little witch...

Abbie got mad at her brother & turned him into a frog! LOL

And last but not least, my hobo...

Long time no see... um, write I mean! =)

Sorry I haven't updated my blog in so long but soooooooooo much has been going on.

God is good... all the time! They're ours!!! After 5.5 years of infertility & many, many prayers for a baby God has blessed us with 2 beautiful toddlers (Charlie, 2, & Abbie, 3). It was May 22nd that we were first approached about possibly fostering/adopting these 2 children (News!!!) & on June 21st we became their legal guardians. We actually brought them home on Thurs, June 23rd, & I'm telling you I can't get ANYTHING done unless they are asleep. It was like BAM & their ours... it all happened so fast & there was a definite period of adjustment in there. So we are their parents for as long as God allows... we are guardians which means their parents still have rights & could actually petition the court for them at any time unless we hire a lawyer to discuss possible adoption.

God is soooooooooooo good & sooooooooooo faithful & He has really taken a horrible situation & has done something really beautiful with it, not to mention that He brought 2 completely unrelated families together to become one family... I love this family so much; as if they were my own. But still please remember the family in your prayers & these children who just lost the only mother they have ever really known about 2 months ago. Their grandmother died Sat night, June 25th. The children are doing well... I honestly think they are too young to really comprehend what's going on.

I do have to add that the home visit went really well... I fully believe that the reason it went as well as it did was because God was/is in this. Though I don't want to sugar coat it, the home study was emotionally difficult on me... if I wasn't fully committed to the Lord & HIS will above my own, I would have quit right then & there - that's how difficult it was on me but I KNOW God knows better than me & I fully trust Him so I will follow Him no matter what. I have actually seen God literally move mountains over the past 2 months. And now that they are here, I LOVE these 2 precious babies so so much. I can't imagine my life without them & I hope I never have to.

Oh & remember my post about my fears & why I felt adoption wasn't a good option for us, 2nd injectables cycle RE follow-up appt update... well, Rex is a big baby with them. I was so scared & for no real reason at all. He is AMAZING with those children. Yeah, he did bark in the beginning but now they hug, kiss, pet, & play with him ALL THE TIME & he loves them just as much as they love him!!! Praise the Lord because it was Him & Him alone that moved sooooooooooooo many mountains to bring these wonderful, beautiful children into our lives.

And can I add that God is teaching me so much about Himself through these little children. I once heard Beth Moore talk about how love comes from God first & when we feel like telling Him we love Him we should really say, "I love you too" because it came from Him first. Anyway, I tell Abbie & Charlie, "I love you," like 100 times a day. Okay not really 100 times a day but I tell them A LOT. And then a week or 2 AFTER I started telling them soooooooo much that I love them, I caught Charlie telling everyone he loves them. Not exactly the same but it just reminds me of what Beth Moore said anyway.

And the other thing that I have heavily reflected on since God has blessed us with their care is just how beautiful & perfect these children are in my eyes (beautiful eyes, hair, noses, ears, toes, lips... you name it & I LOVE it). I can't imagine just how much God loves us if I love these children as much as I do. And I know God thinks the same way (only times 10!) about us... we are beautiful to Him, imperfections & all.

And now my beautiful babies...

Brother & sisterly love!


Being silly before church!

For this child I prayed, and the LORD has granted me my petition which I asked of Him.
~ 1 Samuel 1:27

He settles the barren woman in her home as a happy mother of children. Praise the LORD.
~ Psalm 113:9

Thank you Lord!!! You have blessed me beyond measure!

Sharing... for the glory of God!

I have been so reserved about this possible adoption... part of me wanting to share & shout to the world just what God has & is doing but at the same time part of me wants to hold back out of respect for the family's privacy & if I'm honest with myself, out of fear as well (fear of the "what ifs" as well as fear of putting the most vulnerable parts of my heart out there for the whole world to read).

But after reading a post on one of my favorite blogs, God's Faithfulness Through Infertility: for the glory of God, I have decided to share, for the glory of God. I know that no matter what, God is in control & if these children are meant to be ours God will move the mountains that may be standing in our way & these children WILL be ours but if, for whatever reason, they don't become ours then they were never really ours to begin with.

I probably don't need to tell you the fact that DHR will have to come into our home is somewhat nerve-racking for me but I am trusting in God & God alone.

God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.
~ Psalm 46:1

I will say of the LORD, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.”
~ Psalm 91:2

I lift up my eyes to the hills—where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth.
~ Psalm 121:1-2

I don't know why it is so scary for me considering I've seen God's mighty work in this infertility journey... free injectables, the crib (that is now converted into a toddler bed ) , the fact that I even got pregnant when I did is a miracle & then I went on to ovulate with no medical assistance at all even though we didn't get pregnant (which I fully believe we didn't get pregnant because He called us to adopt).

Remembering His faithfulness in the past does make it easier though I do have to constantly remind myself:

God is in control, not DHR. God is in control, not DHR.
Don't be afraid, just believe. Don't be afraid, just believe.

God's word tells us over & over, "Fear Not," but it is obviously such a normal human emotion. I am choosing to give all my fears over to Him & trust Him daily which of course is not always easy since we seem to always want to control everything (especially me, being a type A personality). We don't control anything, as I am learning in this journey. Any control we seem to have is only an illusion because we aren't in control, God is; which is really better anyway. If I were in control I'm sure I'd screw it all up.

Last but not least I wanted to share some meaningful quotes from a recent devotion a friend shared with me. Love.Serve.Shine: The Pretzel Solution:

God will provide a lamb. It is well within the nature of God to allow our circumstances to reach a place of utter hopelessness, so that He might provide the hope. What we deem impossible, He calls simple. Time after time, Scripture paints a picture of God providing the perfect solution at the perfect time. The common denominator? Simple faith in a great God.

Do your circumstances look insurmountable? Stop looking around and look up. Trust that the One who brought you to the fire will walk you through it. Not sure what tomorrow holds? The One who holds tomorrow whispers, Fear not. I walk before you, beside you and behind you. I will tell you when to go and when to rest. I will carry you and see you through. Trust in Me with all your heart; lean not on your own understanding (Proverbs 3:5).

This particular devotion is based on some very special scripture for me. If you remember from an earlier post, R&R at Fort Walton Beach, you'll remember how Genesis 22 speaks to me about God providing children. And then the next day (after reading Love.Serve.Shine.) I find an awesome video on the exact same scripture:

I know He's speaking to me saying, "Trust me, I've got this" so I'm going to hold my head up high & trust Him & Him alone to pull me through this, one way or another. Why? Because my God is faithful!

The LORD is with me; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?
~ Psalm 118:6

News!!!

Someone approached us Sunday, May 22nd, at church about possibly fostering/adopting 2 children: a boy, 2, & a girl, 3... both have birthdays in August. Their grandmother (current guardian) is dying of cancer & these children need a home when it happens. The family wants a Christian family for these 2 precious children & approached me after hearing that we were considering adoption. Oh & can I share HOW she heard we were considering adoption... it was a direct result of the Jonah study that I just finished (I wrote about starting the study here... 5 years). I shared my belief that the Lord wanted us to adopt at the beginning of the study & apparently this opportunity presents itself at the end of the study (we just finished the study a few weeks ago).

Anyway, Mike & I have thought & prayed about it & yesterday we contacted the lady who I spoke with Sunday to tell her that we are interested. Now we have to contact DHR & go from there. We aren't home study approved yet but I'm sure we will figure it all out. I have MAJOR cleaning to do this week. I'm terrified & excited & even have a lot of peace, knowing God is in this & we are one step closer to the child or children He promised!!! To God be the glory!!!

And then this morning's devotional was based on one of my favorite scriptures, Jeremiah 29:11, "'For I know the plans I have for you.' Declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future'" (http://narrowroadtravels.com/fearnt24.aspx). It was just so special!

I can't believe this could be it but I am also so sad for these children. Their world is falling apart... the only real mother they have ever known is dying. Please pray for everyone involved... the grandmother, all the other family, but especially the children; and of course us as we embark on a new chapter in our lives.

Praise You, Lord!